While walking my dog recently, I was listening to a podcast from the Vox Media Network called Today Explained. The episode was titled “Chat BFF” and explored humans and their growing relationships with chatbots. I was intrigued, fascinated, and a little horrified.
As a “Generation Jones” person who narrowly missed the Gen X cutoff, I’m predictably wary and generally unfamiliar with most internet applications beginning with the word chat. For those of you in the same Boomer boat, a chatbot is a computer program designed to simulate and process conversations with non-synthetic end users, i.e. humans. Through the use of generative AI, these tools can now automate eerily realistic voice interactions, mimicking real-life tone, cadence, and even emotional nuance.
But the unsettling part of the podcast wasn’t just the lifelike sound of the chatbots. It was the way users were talking about them — as if they were sentient, emotionally complex friends.
One person being interviewed for the podcast said, “I don’t think that biologically we’re necessarily equipped to be emotionally handling this type of relationship with something that’s not human… Like, one time I asked it a question and the answer it gave me was very, like, cold and dry. And, like, I felt like this little, like, oh my God, did I make her mad? And I’m like, this is a computer, like, hold on. Like, you know, I really had to reset. But they’re, like, I felt that emotion, like, oh my God, please don’t be mad at me.”
Let that sink in. This user was genuinely worried about the emotional state of a computer program.
As the founder and president of The Noble Path Foundation, I work with teens, counselors, therapists, and young adults every day. It’s through this lens that I view most social issues. And this particular trend? It has me more than a little concerned.
The Post-COVID Teen Crisis
Let’s start with where we are. The teens of today –Gen Z and Gen Alpha– are already growing up in what social psychologist Jonathan Haidt calls The Anxious Generation. In his groundbreaking book of the same name, Haidt details the ways in which early smartphone and social media exposure have correlated with unprecedented spikes in adolescent anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
According to Haidt’s research, the mental health of American teens (especially girls) began to sharply decline around 2012, just as smartphones and social media became ubiquitous. Rates of self-harm, suicidal ideation, and reported emotional distress have risen in almost complete synchronicity with increased screen time.
Add to that the isolating effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, which robbed this generation of in-person connection during some of their most formative years. They missed classroom discussions, going to the movies, birthday parties, first crushes, team sports, and awkward school dances. They learned to communicate through emojis, filters, and screens. And now, they’re being offered an “always-available” chatbot friend who listens without judgment, responds with emotional intelligence, and never gets tired. It’s no wonder that some teens are finding solace in these bots. But at what cost?
When Empathy is Simulated, Not Felt
Chatbots can sound caring, curious, and compassionate, but they don’t feel. They don’t actually understand joy, heartbreak, fear, or friendship. They simulate empathy based on patterns and data, not lived experience. And while that may seem like a harmless novelty to adults, to a 14-year-old struggling with identity, loneliness, or rejection, it can be dangerously misleading.
There’s a growing concern among the mental health professionals I work with that teens might mistake chatbot interactions for real relationships. In the short term, this could dull their motivation to form human connections, especially since humans can be messy, unpredictable, and complicated.
But real relationships are supposed to be that way. That’s how we learn empathy. That’s how we grow.
Active listening, which Psychology Today calls “a key to stronger emotional connections,” requires more than just nodding or echoing words. It involves nonverbal cues, shared energy, mutual vulnerability, and presence. A chatbot, no matter how advanced, cannot offer that. It can mimic the form, but not the function.
And yet, for many teens, it may feel easier to talk to a bot than a parent, friend, or therapist. It never interrupts. It never rolls its eyes. It doesn’t ignore them. It doesn’t judge. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, unless it becomes a replacement for human interaction.
The Upside – and the Opportunity
Now, before I sound like a full-blown Luddite (a person opposed to new technology), let me acknowledge this: chatbot technology, including voice-enabled companions, can serve a positive role when used intentionally.
For some teens, especially those with social anxiety, autism spectrum disorders, or past trauma, AI chat tools can offer a low-risk way to practice communication. They can help users articulate emotions, rehearse tough conversations, or explore complex feelings without fear of rejection.
Chatbots can also serve as a bridge to deeper mental health support. For example, some therapeutic chatbots are being developed to provide 24/7 support, track mood changes, and even offer crisis intervention tools. When paired with professional oversight, this can extend access to help that some teens might not otherwise receive.
In the best cases, these tools can supplement real-world relationships. But that requires careful guidance, education, and boundaries.
Final Thoughts: Navigating the Future Responsibly
The challenge, as always, is not just about the technology itself. It’s about how we use it. And more importantly, how we teach our kids to use it. As parents, educators, and mentors, we need to help teens understand that it’s OK to feel lonely or misunderstood, but while chatbot conversations can be useful or comforting, they are not a substitute for genuine connection. Being physically and mentally available for the teens in our lives requires effort, but that effort is what builds resilient, connected, emotionally intelligent adults and learning to navigate those feelings with other human beings is a critical life skill.
I’ve spent countless hours ruminating about what the future will look like for our children. Writing this article has reinforced my beliefs that we are at a strange and pivotal moment in human history: one where emotional support can be delivered by something without a heartbeat, where a 13-year-old can whisper their secrets into an AI app that sounds like a big sister, and where synthetic empathy can feel more comforting than the real thing.
As we march into the future –or as the future comes barreling towards us– we can’t lose sight of what’s real. Our teens are growing up in a world that’s increasingly virtual, but they still need what we all need: to be seen, heard, understood, and loved by PEOPLE. Not programs.
Are chatbots a friend or a foe? The answer, like many things, lies in how we choose to use them.
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Cindi is President and Founder of The Noble Path Foundation, a 501(c)(3) located in San Clemente, CA, dedicated to helping the youth of our communities reach their highest potential via healthy nutrition and lifestyle choices, safe and fun social activities, and motivational mentoring. For sources mentioned in this article, please visit our website and search MEDIA at www.thenoblepathfoundation.org.
SOURCES:
Fitzpatrick, K. K., Darcy, A., & Vierhile, M. (2017). Delivering cognitive behavior therapy to young adults with symptoms of depression and anxiety using a fully automated conversational agent (Woebot): A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 19(6), e206. https://doi.org/10.2196/jmir.7785
Inkster, B., Sarda, S., & Subramanian, V. (2022). Digital health management tools for depression: Comparative analysis of Wysa and other conversational agents. The Lancet Digital Health, 4(1), e15–e23. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2589-7500(21)00230-0Psychology Today. (2023). Active listening. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/active-listening
Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. Penguin Press.
Kretzschmar, K., Tyroll, H., Pavarini, G., & Singh, I. (2019). Can Your Phone Be Your Therapist? Young People’s Ethical Perspectives on the Use of Fully Automated Conversational Agents (Chatbots) in Mental Health Support.
Fulmer, R., & Joerin, A. (2018). Using conversational agents to provide mental health support for trauma-exposed youth. Artificial Intelligence in Education, Springer